As I took my walk this morning, (note: a Bjorn and 15lb baby is not easy to walk with) I went past the elementary school around the corner to watch as little kindergartners said their tearful goodbyes to their parents and their parents said tearful goodbyes to their not-so-little babies. I thought to myself how quickly time will go by before Carol is at her first day of school and how I'll probably have to miss it because, I, myself, will be at my first day of school... ugh
Can't believe how quickly she is growing up. I can't believe that only four months ago she was this little peanut who was so small and now she's kicking and screaming, eating and not-pooping... Before Carol, I could go the gym whenever I wanted, get my hair did, my toes done and take a nap whenever I wanted to...now I can't go the gym because they don't take babies younger than six months and even when they do, they will not do the following:
1. console a crying baby
2. change a diaper
3. move her from her car seat
Then what the hell DO they do? I can tell you one thing: my child HATES her car seat...good luck there. There goes the money we spend on a gym. And diapers...well, lately we've been acting like she made a touch-down every time she poos. Yes, my life has been reduced to poop. Oh the joys of parenting.... We dance around and sing a song every time she starts to grunt...got to love formula...binds them up like no other. And I love how rice cereal is recommended...they don't tell you that rice and milk is like clay in their stomachs....Yeah, we've changed to oatmeal cereal and prunes in the morning. Breastfeeding was great...however, the child went on a booby-strike and she never negotiated her terms before the milk dried up...oh well....4 months is better than nothing, I guess.
No one prepares you for the changes of motherhood. I marvel in my independence. I loved my alone time and being able to provide for myself before the baby arrived. I love my daughter and I wouldn't change a thing, but my life has created a whole new dichotomy - I don't want to put her in daycare, but I also don't see myself being a stay-at-home mother. I believe that daycare at 5 is different than daycare at 5 months...we'll cross that bridge... Where was I going...? Oh yeah, I'm thrilled that I have made appointments to go to the dentist, eye doctor and primary care doctor...I think it's because those are MY private times, you know? A way to assess my health and get done what I need to get done - like remove some funky-looking freckles, get contacts (after five years of not wearing anything), take care of my teeth and so on. It's a way of putting ME first after a year (and the rest of my life) of putting the baby first.
A year ago, I was pregnant with Carol. Can you believe it? It's been a year. I remember taking the pregnancy tests and marking them with a pen as a chronological way of making sure I was still pregnant. I look back at laugh at my neurotic behavior about whether or not the line today was darker than the line from yesterday and if it's not does that mean I'll miscarry? It makes me laugh, but I kind of miss it. A year ago this week, I also took my tumble down the stairs which left my shoulder forever tweaked...remind me to tell my doctor about that too...still can't raise it properly. Need a MRI.
I look over at my daughter sleeping on the couch and I notice her PJs (the ones with the feet on them) are too big. The length is fine, but her feet are too small. She has one foot that's bigger than the other which makes buying shoes difficult and she barely fits into newborn shoes...She's in the 75% for height, but her feet are so small. Will she be like a Barbie doll? I guess it's okay...that bitch has everything.
This is my last week with live-in help. My mom finally got a job! Of course it lands her back in LA so she'll eventually have to move because it's 86 miles one way, but we're really happy for her. These last six months have been difficult for her, but she's had the chance to spend quality and one-in-a-lifetime moments with the baby. I'm sure they will miss each other. Hell, let's not kid each other, I'll miss it. How do mom's clean or do anything with a child that demands to be held? For not living together for almost ten years, I think we did pretty well.